In the words of Bethany Dillon : "I wanna be beautiful, make you stand in awe. Look inside my heart and be amazed. I want to hear you say that who I am is quite enough."
I know this is a religious song but I like to think of it as a song about general beauty, inside and outside. I am beautiful on the inside and the outside but I know I can be so much more beautiful when I can look in the mirror and see it. Nothing is more beautiful than a happy person that is finally accepting of how they are. That is what I want: to look in the mirror and LOVE what I see. I have days where I look in the mirror and I like what I see. But, like isn't good enough for me. I want to be in love with the way I look, not in a vain or conceited way, but in a way where people can see that I love myself. In a way where I can be healthy enough to love others properly. In a way where I can be comfortable enough and love myself enough to fall in love. My self-esteem/body issues have held me back for years. I'm always afraid to be rejected because I'm the fat girl and if I am rejected I write it off as being because I'm the fat girl. I also find myself being attracted to "unattainable" people. If I already I know I can't have them, then when I get rejected it's because, "Well, they never would have liked me anyway, because I'm fat". No more. I want to be confident enough to walk up to someone and not feel uncomfortable.
Well, that's all for tonight. I'm off to bed.
Goodbye Fat and Hello Fab!!
Love,
Addy
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