Can we talk about my feelings now?

I feel disgusting. I hate my body so so so much. In our bathroom in our new apartment the bathroom mirror is almost directly in front of the shower. Every time I get in or out of the shower I have to see my nasty fatness in the mirror. I just want to cry. Then I see Trevor and I wonder how he could ever find me attractive. How does he hug, cuddle, kiss, hold, and for that matter make love to me without vomiting? How can anyone look at me and not see this giant, gelatinous blob rolling around? I think maybe, just maybe if I can lose all this weight people will like me better. Maybe Trevor will love me more, maybe we'll make love more often. I know I'll happier once I lose this weight. I'll actually be able to love myself and believe that I'm worthy of love and being liked.

June 2011 Goals

Weight: 260 pounds

-Lose 10 pounds
-Use the pool at least 5 times
-Get a job
-Go to the gym 3 times per week
-Do a workout DVD twice per week
-Get cell phone turned back on
-Do 100 crunches per day