Week 2 Day 2- Oops, Sh*t, My bad

Today was just awful. I go tup on time and got to work early, that way I could leave early. I got to work, ate breakfast (which was a good breakfast and gave me a horrible stomach ache), and worked for a while. Then people started asking about my day every 5 minutes. Then one of my co-workers who thinks it's ok to touch or poke me everytime he walks past my desk walked by and touched me and I just lost it. After that, I spun into a full-blown panic attack. I tried my best to stay calm and pushed through it for about an hour. Finally I jus asked my boss if I could go home, luckily for me, she was okay with that.

On my way home, I made a stop at my tanning place to try and get a little peace and quiet and some Vitamin D, which usually makes me feel better. It helped a little. I got to do the level 5 bed today. That thing looks like a spaceship. It was so fun. Then I headed home.

Today was a bad day, foodwise. I just ate myself sick. I had dinner around 7 and I am done eating for the day. Maybe even the week, ha.

My dad is doing much better. Thank you all so much for your love and support for him and our family. He can't have surgery on his collarbone for another 7-10 days so the sweeling can go down but he should be coming home tomorrow.

Right now, I'm about to buy Season 1 & 2 of "True Blood" and the "Insanity Workout" on ebay. Right now the "True Blood's" bid is at $0.01 and the "Insanity Workout" is at $0.99. I'm really excited. That almost $300 dollars of product for probably less than $5.00. The Insanity auction ends tomorrow night and the True Blood one ends in two days. I'm so so so excited. I also found a MAC 120 Palette for $9.99 with $7.00 shipping. The 15 Palette is $179.00 on MAC's website so this is a killer deal. I also found a queensize mattress AND boxspring for $25 (in MY city) on craigslist. I'm going to email the seller before bed to see if I can buy it from them on Saturday. I get paid on Friday but I work later than my credit union is open, so I'll run and get money on Saturday before they close.

Well, I have to go now. It's almost my bedtime and I have a few chores to do before they get home tomorrow. Goodnight all!

Sending my love and support your way!

Goals for Week 2 (7/25-7/31)

I'm going to start setting weekly goals for myself. Breaking them up will make them easier to achieve and more manageable.

- 6 Walks
- 1200-1500 calories
- 4 workouts
- 40 hours of work
- Blog everyday
- Lose 1 pound

Starting Over- Week 2

Week 1:
Last week was just weird. Between Sunday night's drama and on Mondaywhen I had a panic attack and that was kind of the catalyst for just a terrible week. Friday was a great night. I had a bonfire with my boys and had a few beers and just an all around good time. Things with that guy are done being awkward. Last night he and I sort of had a talk. Yesterday was good too. Kate came over and we took Cocoa on a walk and then we went to Richie's and hung out with him and Sasha. Then Kate, Richie and I went to the drive-in and saw Salt (so good), and part of Inception (good so far). We were too tired to finish Inception but we're going to go back soon. It was such a fun night.

Week 2 Day 1:
So far Week 2 of starting over has been not so good. I got home around 1:30 and didn't fall asleep until around 5 or 6 AM. Then I woke up around 10 AM to a text message from my mom that my dad got hurt during his first race this morning. He's still in the hospital. He broke his collarbone, a few ribs, and one of his lungs sort of collapsed. He's going to be fine. He's having surgery tomorrow to help the collarbone heal faster. He should be home tomorrow, maybe Tuesday. My mom is at the hospital in Rochester with him, my dad's mom and her husband brought the dog home, and my Nana is coming to stay with me and Cocoa for the night. If they don't come home tomorrow then I'm gonna have my mom's friend, Erin, take the dog until they come back. She offered to take her tonight but I think I can handle her.

Week 2 Day 2:
Tomorrow I'm going to work, then tanning on my way home. Then I'll come home, feed the dog, take her on a walk, watch some TV, make and eat dinner, shower, and go to bed. Ugh, this is going to be a long week. I'm going to be going on walks and working out everyday. It's going to be 6 longs days.

I've been getting really excited about being skinny. I have 110 pounds left to go. I just can't wait to watch guys look at me "that way" and not just being the fat girl anymore. I'm getting more and more sick and done with being the fat girl. I feel my fat and get mad. I just want it gone. I can't believe that it took me 20 years to get so sick of it and to finally do something about it. I'm going to be literally working my ass off for the rest of my life so I never have to look in the mirror and want to cry and/or puke again. I'm sick of having to constantly be pulling at my clothes so that no skin is exposed. I'm sick of wearing a size that is higher/the same number as my age. I'm sick of being twice the size of my friends in pictures. I'm tired of being the pale, flabby one. I'm sick of being alone. I'm sick of being buddies with guys. I'm sick of not having girls be jealous of me. I'm sick of hating my body. I'm sick of hating myself. I'm sick of never feeling good and I'm sick of not loving myself. I'm sick of never feeling like I'm good enough.

For now, I'm going to get my notebook and work on my goal/dream book. I'll update you guys on them when I finish them.

You know what to do, just bust a move

This is my Facebook status at the moment, it makes me laugh. And it's so true. This is pretty much all I think about all day.

Top 5 Things that I think about everyday:
5) My excerise for the day/what I've eaten
4) My friends
3) Sex
2) The musical
1) How great I'll look when I'm skinny.

Ha ha ha. Today has been alright so far. Except I feel crappy, but that could be because I'm weak and had two Arby's melts and two potatoe cakes for lunch. I've already gone over my calories for the day. Dammit all to Hell.

Oh well, it's just one day. Oh wait, it's the second day. We went to Taco Bell last night and I had two Chalupas, a soft taco, and Libby and I split a burrito. Ugh. I know that this shouldn't ruin my whole day but I'm so disappointed in myself. i'd been doing pretty well all week. Tomorrow will be better.

Now I'm just debating if I should eat a small dinner or none at all. I'm already well over for the day so I feel like I should skip dinner but if I do I'll probably be crabby and I'm hanging out with my friends later and being hungry and exhausted from working a 10 hour day will make me turn into an evil bee-otch. Luckily, some of my friends find it funny when I'm mean because I hardly ever am.

I did, however, find my new favorite lipstick last night. It's by MAC Cosmetics and it's the Viva la Glam! Lady Gaga lipstick. It's bubblegum pink and I love it. Once I have the money, I buying like 17 of them.

Heaven isn't too far away, we're closer to it everyday

This is going to be a short blog. I have to work early and I'm very tired.

I did well with food today until dinner, then I binged. I still feel sick.

I went to the mall with Libby, Amber, and Landon tonight. We went to MAC in Macy's and got our makeup done. I posted a picture of mine. It was awesome. The girls picked out my colors and I looked like a "sexy circus clown", which was my request.

I didn't get to go on a walk today, but I will tomorrow.

I went tanning after work. I got to do the level 4 bed. It was like a bed on a spaceship. It was so much fun.

I'm finally doin' me and it feels so right

Today was a good day, two in a row. That's a streak! Ha ha. I got up, ate a big breakfast, went to work, came home, took Cocoa on a walk, stretched, did some ab work, made dinner, and did the dishes. Now I have to switch loads of laundry, take a shower, get ready for bed, and go to bed. I'm so tired I think I might fall asleep in the shower.

I ate a big breakfast today and I could actually feel a difference. From now on I'm going to eat 500 calories for breakfast, 400 for lunch, 300 for dinner, and 100 for a snack everyday. I've read that it's best to eat a bigger breakfast, a little bit smaller lunch, and your smallest meal of the day should be dinner. That makes sense. You need more calories early in the day to wake up and give you the fuel to get through the day and at night your metabolism slows down in preparation for sleep.

For breakfast I had Cheerios (1 cup) with milk (1/2 cup) and a peanut butter sandwich (2 slices of white bread and 2 Tbsp of natural peanut butter. For lunch I had a buffalo chicken wrap and french fries. I didn't have time for a snack today. For dinner I made chicken enchiladas. Delicious. I'll probably have some for lunch tomorrow. They were so good.

I took Cocoa for a walk today (2.12 miles). It was so hot. I'm surprised I didn't sweat through my clothes. She was difficult again today. She pulled the whole way and I had to pretty much drag her the last block or so because she wanted to eat every rock, leaf, bug, or whatever else she found on the ground. After we got home I stretched for about 10 minutes and then I did some light ab work (100 crunches and 5 leg lifts). My legs are so tired. I'm so tired.

I'm not going to be able to go on a walk tomorrow because I'm going over to my friend, Libby's, for a movie night with her, her son Landon, and our friend Amber. I should be able to on Friday. I have plans but they don't start until 7 PM and I can be late. I'll probably go on my walk as soon as we get home from work and then as soon as I get home take a shower and then head over. Then Saturday for sure I will be able to fit in a walk.

Today was so good and so was yesterday which is fine with me. Especially after the day I had on Monday.

I drank a gallon of water today! It wasn't that hard and I didn't feel like I was forcing myself to drink it. I drank a lot after that walk. I was so thirsty and sweaty I drank 24 oz in about 5 minutes.

My head is starting to hurt. I'm going to go take some naproxen and shower. Then it's off to bed for me.

Night guys! Sending my love and support your way!!!

And I'll fight... like a girl

Today was a good day. That's what I needed, especially after yesterday. I got up and went to work and had a good day. My mom let me know on the way to work that I had to find a ride home because she had an appointment after work. My dad picked me up at 3:45 which kind of sucked because I've been trying to get as close to 40 hours per week as I can and I lost 1.5 hours today. I can make them up tomorrow-Friday so I'm not too worried. Just an extra half an hour everyday. I can handle that.

I had Taco Time Pizza from DeLeo Brothers' Pizza in Woodbury, MN for lunch. So delicious.

I went on two walks tonight. One for each dog. We only have one dog but we're taking care of my uncle's dog, Marley, while he's on vacation with his kids. I am so tired I can barely hold my head up. I'm thinking of being in bed by 10:00 tonight just so I'm well rested for work and my workout tomorrow.

I had salad for dinner. It was probably the best salad I've ever had. So yummy and it filled me up, but it was only 402 calories. It was the perfect dinner and after a hard, sweaty workout.